Before few days, a mother came to me and with anger and frustration she complained that I have told almost 500 times to my son that do not eat snacks at the odd hours of the day and keep your things at their respective place and arrange them well but he does not listen at all. I have tried to explain him the pros and cons also. The fact is because she had told her son for 500 times, he did not listen. If she would have stopped after saying it five times, then surely her son would have listened and followed her instructions. In order to make the child completion every aspect, parents many a times behave in an irrational manner and kill the natural behavioral traits of the child. This in turn reduces the self confidence of the child. Let’s try to understand the irrational behavior of the parents.
  • To give unnecessary importance to the small-small mistakes of the child and make him remember constantly by telling about it again and again.
  • To make the child remember the time, efforts and money spent by them.{parents}
  • To make child’s comparison with his or her friends and keep telling that he or she is inferior to them.
  • To make him remember again and again his mistakes, bad behavior or bad result of the past.
  • Constantly telling him about the probable difficulties in the new work he or she is going to begin.
  • It is like, a child cannot have any free time in life. Whenever he or she is enjoying free time, the parents keep on reminding about his studies or daily schedules.
  • Time and again suggestions given by the members of the family to the child for do’s and don’ts.
  • Once the child achieves target in studies or extracurricular activities which is set by the parents will and wishes, then make him or her run for chasing newer targets and constantly keep on hammering about the success.
  • Even if the child’s age is increasing constantly behaving in childish manner with kid.[because of which the child does not attain maturity]
  • To spend less quality time with the child.
  • To blame the child for loss of anything and happening in the house.
  • To set many boundaries and restrictions for the child when the child wants to mix and gel with other people.[thinking that the child might behave in irrational manner]
  • Time and again checking the personal belongings of the child like diary, mobile, bag, purse etc and to ask the account of his pocket money in a strict manner.
  • To refrain the child from having any sort of freedom. For instance, not allowing to sleep the child late on holidays or on the second day when his or her exams are over. To have a strong view point that the child should come back home at the stipulated time and should have meal at the decided time.
  • Parents take out their work related or social issues related frustrations on the child.
  • Both the parents keep on fighting with each other for small issues.
  • Parents tell about the struggles and hardships of their life to the child. It seems to like they always remind the child about their difficult times.
  • To scold the child for the smallest mistake and shout at the kid. And to talk to him or her in high pitch.
  • To interfere too much in the child’s routine schedule and work and take too much interest in ask questions and give advices for petty things.
  • To talk about child’s failure with the guests or relatives.
[this is the conclusion and crux of the topics shared by my patients of the age group varying from 5 to 15 years] It is the need of the hour that parents learn to accept their kids mistakes with a big heart. Give the child another. There is a need to decrease the level of targets set for the child. Parents should respect child’s talent, intelligence and attitude towards life and leave certain things on God and destiny. Please, see to it that their hearts are not broken because of the words spoken by you.  

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